Soul Reaver draws inspiration from arcane Hebrew myth in a way that makes God of War look as canonically accurate as Bullfinch’s Mythology. Ladies and gentlemen, if Satan himself handed me a clarinet carved from his own petrified shit using a reed soaked in Drano, I would rather play that then Legacy of Kain: Soul Reaver. As of tonight (and by “tonight” I mean November 5th when I actually wrote this), I have found that game. A game with not only picture and sound, but a pungent aroma–probably of dead fish. But I knew eventually I’d find a game that would force me to quit just due to its sheer awfulness. Also, Bubble Bobble kept crashing and Gauntlet just got boring after 64 virtually identical levels. I couldn’t always keep that promise: some games have no real end, while games like Donkey Kong would require unemployment, a government grant, and ten years of having literally nothing better to do than jump over barrels in order to get to the kill screen. When I decided to play every game worth playing–and some not worth it, but nevertheless amusing–I made every effort to finish the game before I wrote about it.
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